Letting Go of Parental Approval: Why Healing Depends on Owning Your Own Decisions

It can take years to realize how much your choices are shaped by the need for a parent’s validation. For Jennette, every major decision—from acting in shows she didn't love to managing her body for someone else's peace of mind—was haunted by the question: Would Mom approve? After loss, or even just distance, that inner approval-seeker might stick around longer than you realize.

Developmental psychologists call this introjection—the process of internalizing parental expectations so deeply that we confuse them for our own desires. To heal, you have to face the discomfort of disappointing others and risk the uncertainty of walking your own path. The challenge is daunting: the approval you might lose is real, but so is the freedom to discover who you are beneath everyone else’s dreams. Studies suggest the ability to self-define is tied to well-being, confidence, and lower risk for depression. It’s not rebellion; it’s growing up on your own terms.

For each decision on your plate, stop and ask yourself whose voice is guiding you. Write out the values you'd want to be known for if nobody else had a say, and take one step this week that reflects your own compass. As doubts or guilt rise, take a breath and remember: healing means choosing for you, even if applause is missing. This week, let yourself own one real choice with pride.