Why Breaking the Cycle of Secrecy and Denial Is Essential for Recovery from Shame or Addiction

Denial thrives in the dark. In families or cultures where secrets and image management are prized, it becomes easy to hide struggles—especially when that secrecy is modeled by adults. Jennette’s silence about her eating disorder was not just about food; it was an attempt to maintain harmony, to keep the story intact, to avoid disappointing those she loved. But every unspoken truth piles up as extra weight.

Psychologists refer to this as the ‘secrecy-shame spiral’: the more we conceal, the more toxic the feelings become, and the more impossible change feels. Opening up to even one trusted person—naming what’s really happening—breaks this loop. The scary part is the uncertainty: Will I still be loved? But the science is clear: owning the secret, not the struggle, is what predicts recovery and self-acceptance.

Choose someone you trust, even if you’re nervous, and let them know you want to be completely real—no sugarcoating. Share exactly what you’ve been keeping from the world, even if it’s hard to say. Afterward, check in with yourself: are you more tense, relieved, or something else entirely? Reflect, but also notice the subtle shift in freedom. It’s courageous in small doses, and you may notice room for growth in more parts of your life.