Why Trying to “Stay Small” for Others May Limit Your Life—and How to Heal Your Relationship with Your Body

Think back to the first time someone commented on your height, weight, or the shape of your body. Maybe it was a parent doing their best, a classmate joking, or a celebrity on a magazine cover. For Jennette, smallness wasn’t just about size—staying small meant being easier for others to know, love, and control. Many of us absorb the message that shrinking yourself—literally or emotionally—makes you better, less threatening, more lovable. It can take years before you realize it’s a trap.

The struggle to contend with a changing body, especially while growing up or under public scrutiny, often breeds shame and harsh self-judgment. But bodies aren’t mistakes to be fixed. They change, grow, and adapt, and each shift says something true about resilience. Researchers have shown that gratitude and mindful attention toward one’s body decreases shame and restrictive behavior. The path forward isn’t about ignoring discomfort, but learning to direct your respect away from size and toward your living, changing self.

Every morning this week, point out to yourself one way your body supports you—maybe by letting you laugh, dance, or just endure a boring class. As uncomfortable feelings or outside messages arise, confront each by writing down what you actually want to believe about yourself—and who you intend to live for. Practice this often, and over time, you’ll notice how your inner dialogue becomes gentler. Try it for a week, and let small moments of relief build up.