How Family Narratives Can Trap You in Old Roles (and What It Takes to Break Out)

From the time Jennette was young, her family handed her a script and a highlighter—they circled her role, over and over. Responsible daughter. Mom's best friend. Star who brings home hope. In that house, each kid had a clear part to play, and Mom’s narrative about the family’s 'adversity' was retold so often it crystallized into truth. The atmosphere was thick with expectation—caring for others, preserving memories, pleasing at all costs.

But family narratives can become almost invisible, like the air we breathe; we forget there’s any other option. When Jennette tried to step outside her assigned role (maybe by writing her own story or exploring her real feelings), the old story threatened to pull her back in. It’s not only her experience. Psychological research shows that our identities are heavily influenced by the roles our families create for us and the stories they tell about who we are or could be. To break out, you first have to see the narrative clearly—naming it, noticing its power, and refusing to let it define your whole life.

For many, this won’t happen in a single dramatic moment, but rather in small rewrites: standing up for a new version of yourself, risking momentary discomfort for future freedom. Every new story you write for yourself is a chance to step into possibility, not just repeat the past.

Start by catching yourself in the act of playing those same old roles, then pause and ask, ‘Whose voice is behind these assumptions about me?’ Let yourself write down the scripts you were handed, then pick one and choose a new line—even just for today—that reflects your real wants or beliefs. Allow yourself to experiment in a low-stakes situation, seeing how it feels to live as your own author. No overnight transformation is needed, just a willingness to try a new page.