When Toxic Ambition Ruins Joy: Rethinking Who You Are Beyond Achievement

You walk into a room and everyone expects something of you—maybe for your wit, your skills, your grades, your performance. Each smile or nod feels like proof you matter. But the rush always fades. Jennette learned early on that applause filled a hole, but it never lasted. When she tried to write just for herself, or eat a popsicle without tracking the calories, that voice inside wanted to know, 'Is this impressive, or worthless?'

Most of us are fed the myth that success equals worth. The neuroscience of reward shows that while external achievement does give a temporary dopamine spike, it’s not the same as true autonomous motivation or the contentment of flow. Chasing only external wins puts us on a treadmill: running faster, growing duller joy, getting further from our real selves. Eventually, as Jennette discovered, you can win and still feel hollow. Mindfulness teaches us to spot which joys have their own reward—a walk in sun, a messy new craft, time with a true friend—not just the glittering trophies. You’ll know you’re on the right path when, even alone, you sense your own quiet smile.

Whenever you catch yourself seeking validation, pause and ask what you’d do if nobody ever clapped. Find time, even if you have to guard it, for an activity that draws you in for pure experience. It could be doodling, running, gardening, or daydreaming—choose something that has no external prize. Let yourself notice the subtle pleasure of process without needing anyone else’s praise. Try it this week, and see what reclaims your real self.