Master your impulses by recognizing and bridging your 'two selves'
You know those times when you promised yourself you’d go to bed early, then at 1:30am you’re still watching YouTube shorts or scrolling? Or the snack you swore you’d avoid—gone, in a moment, after an argument? It feels almost as if there’s a different 'you' in charge: calm, wise You fades out, and heated, emotional You takes over.
Researchers call this the cold and hot state gap. In calm moments ('cold state'), we make thoughtful decisions and set goals. But when emotion (desire, anger, excitement) surges, those plans are too easy to ignore. You’re not alone—studies show that nearly everyone underestimates how different their choices will be when in the grip of strong feelings. Even smart, rational students completely changed their views—and their willingness to take risks—when tested in a state of arousal versus calm.
This 'two-selves' mechanism fuels everything from impulsive shopping to saying things we regret. Recognizing and planning for these state shifts is a key lever for better self-control, more consistent follow-through, and kinder, wiser choices when it counts.
Think ahead about where you tend to lose control or act impulsively, and put gentle but real barriers in place before those situations arise. Make honest commitments to yourself in advance—write them down or share with a friend. When emotions get high, let yourself pause, step away if needed, and remind yourself what calm You really wants. This practice isn’t about perfection but about bridging the gap between your two selves. Try this preparation for your next emotionally charged moment, and see how it helps you stick to who you want to be.
What You'll Achieve
Gain more reliable control over impulses, reduce regrets from actions taken in emotional 'hot states', and achieve greater alignment between intentions and behavior. Experience deeper self-compassion and fewer cycles of self-reproach.
Bridge the Gap Between Calm and Emotional States
Reflect on past 'hot-state' decisions.
Think about times when anger, excitement, or desire led you to make choices you later regretted—buying something impulsively, losing your temper, or breaking a promise.
Precommit in advance to helpful actions.
Before entering situations that may trigger strong emotions (e.g., stressful meetings, parties, or tough conversations), decide your ideal behavior and set clear intentions or even physical reminders (like leaving your phone out of reach).
Build obstacles to harmful behaviors.
Make undesirable actions less accessible during emotional states—for instance, remove temptations, restrict spending, or set up accountability partners.
Practice recalling your goals during emotional surges.
When you feel a strong reaction rising, use a brief pause to remind yourself of your long-term priorities or intentions, even if it means stepping away.
Reflection Questions
- In what areas does your 'hot state' override your intentions?
- Which strategies or obstacles help you stay aligned during emotional surges?
- Who could support you by holding you accountable or reminding you of your goals?
Personalization Tips
- A student prepares for a party by deciding in advance not to check social media after midnight.
- A couple decides together to keep the credit card at home during outings when they know they’ll be tempted to splurge.
- A manager writes a draft email but waits 24 hours before sending when angry.
Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions
Ready to Take Action?
Get the Mentorist app and turn insights like these into daily habits.