Why 'Let Them' Is Only Step One and Could Leave You Feeling Alone

There’s a sharp kind of ache that comes when you realize you’re not part of the group—when your phone glows with everyone else’s fun, and you get that heavy, old feeling in your chest. Maybe you try to brush it off, telling yourself you don’t care, but inside, your mind is busy spinning: Did I do something wrong? Should I reach out? Or just stay quiet and hope someone notices I’m missing?

You catch yourself wanting to send that text or scroll through old messages, looking for evidence, something to explain why you’re not included. But then you pause and say, 'Let them,' under your breath. Once, twice, maybe thirty times. It’s not magic, but the urge to jump in and fix things starts to loosen its grip. After a while, you see the pattern—how chasing closure only exhausts you.

Eventually though, just repeating 'Let them' leaves you stranded. A momentary high is followed by a strange distance from the people you actually care about. It dawns on you: If you stop here, if you only let others do what they’re doing and don’t look at what you want, you’re not building any real connection—you’re just drifting. And honestly, isn’t that a little lonely?

So you try a new direction. You examine your role—not to blame yourself, but to own your part. Maybe you see that you haven’t made much effort either. Maybe your work has swallowed your free time. You realize friendship isn’t a passive reward, it’s an investment. This insight, rooted in behavioral science, mirrors the shift from external locus of control (others have the power) to internal locus (I have agency). When you act according to what matters to you, you create connection and meaning—not by controlling others, but by moving with purpose yourself.

When you feel hurt or excluded, pause and quietly repeat 'Let them' in your mind as many times as you need to calm down and stop the inner spiral. Then ask yourself honestly what you want and what role you’ve played, even if that stings a little. Now, pick something constructive and within your control: reach out, plan something for yourself, or make a small change that reflects your true priorities. Don’t let your evening end with just watching from the sidelines—try one step forward that’s yours only.