How Accepting Painful Experiences Creates Real Happiness

There’s a story from history about a soldier who spent thirty years hiding in the jungle, fighting a war that long since ended. When he finally emerged, he was celebrated, but found himself miserable—his years of endurance didn’t mean what he’d imagined. Yet, when asked, he said he wouldn’t have changed a thing: the struggle itself had become meaningful, even noble, in his mind.

Psychological research shows we’re wired for growth, and growth is often the result of wrestling with pain, loss, or fear—not the avoidance of them. In fact, trying too hard to avoid suffering leads to a sense of emptiness or even chronic stress, because we never develop the resilience or pride that comes from conquering difficulty.

Think of your own life. The tests you’ve dreaded, the conversations you’ve feared, the setbacks you thought would undo you—they often end up as turning points for personal strength, confidence, or character. The discomfort leaves a mark, but it’s frequently the source of your greatest pride, empathy, or wisdom.

Lasting happiness isn’t found in avoiding problems, but in finding good ones to solve. Behavioral science terms this 'eustress,' the positive stress that challenges you, grows your capacity, and provides satisfaction once overcome.

Reflect for a few moments on what you’ve learned from setbacks or painful experiences—a time you lost, failed, or felt rejected. Notice the inner strengths that emerged or the lessons that wouldn’t exist otherwise. List one challenge you face right now and, instead of dodging it, ask yourself how working through it could be meaningful—maybe tied to something bigger you care about. Remind yourself that holding onto pain doesn’t make you broken; it’s simply part of the process of becoming stronger and more complete. Try approaching the next small challenge today with this mindset and see what changes.