How Avoiding Discomfort Keeps You Trapped—And Why Choosing Discomfort Leads to Growth

Sometimes, when the anxiety of a project or a relationship is loudest, you find yourself reorganizing your notes, checking your phone, or getting lost in little chores. The unpleasant feeling of uncertainty or fear seems like evidence that you’re on the wrong path. But what if discomfort is exactly where the important growth or meaning lies? There’s that tension in your chest before you finally call a distant friend, the clammy palms before starting a big assignment, the butterflies before signing up for something new.

You might notice that the more you try to avoid these feelings—by surfing the web, making endless lists, planning rather than doing—the less progress you make, and the further real satisfaction drifts away. Yet when you choose to turn toward discomfort, even just for a few minutes, it starts to lose its grip. You write the awkward first sentence; you stumble through that challenging conversation; you apply for that intimidating opportunity. And even if the results aren’t perfect, afterward comes a small rush of confidence, a sense of capability you couldn’t have earned any other way.

Research on 'approach coping,' a concept from psychology, shows that people who willingly expose themselves to manageable amounts of discomfort, rather than using avoidance to escape it, not only perform better but also grow in resilience and authentic self-worth over time. Facing discomfort is not glamorous in the moment, but almost always becomes a source of pride and relief later.

This week, pick one spot in your life where you tend to side-step discomfort—maybe you procrastinate, maybe you scroll endlessly, maybe you just avoid a necessary conversation. Catch yourself as soon as the tense feeling creeps in, and instead of dodging it, take a single small action forward. Breathe as you let the anxiety be present; take note of what it’s like. Afterward, jot down or share what you experienced, and see what pride or lessons rise up. Even if you stumble, you’re showing up for yourself in a way few people do. It’s not comfortable, but it’s the path to meaning. Try it today.