The Power of Scarcity: How Strategic Absence Can Make You Irresistible

Every fall, Matthew joins every possible club, signs up for team captain, and jumps on every committee. By November, his inbox explodes and friends joke that he’s ‘just always around.’ The thrill of being needed wore off, and soon, nobody seemed excited when he offered ideas. Sensing burnout, Matthew’s mentor suggested an experiment: quit a few roles and skip two weeks of meetings. Though he felt anxious at first, his absence began to spark curiosity. A few teammates texted asking where he’d gone, others started prepping tasks he used to handle.

At the end of the month, he made a reentry at a club event with a well-planned new proposal. The group paid more attention; his reputation as a creative spark returned. He understood, maybe for the first time, that too much familiarity had made his contributions easy to overlook. In psychology, this is called the scarcity effect—people value what they feel could disappear or is hard to access. Regular periods of intentional absence keep enthusiasm alive and protect against being taken for granted.

Want to regain respect or just boost your relevance? Pick an area where you’re overexposed and simply step back for a while. Let people know in advance if needed—hint at something new you’re working on but keep it vague. When you come back, do it during a high-visibility moment and bring your best idea or energy. Notice how the group’s response changes, and take time to reflect on how this absence affects your confidence and influence. If it works, make a habit of this cycle—use your presence wisely for maximum effect.