When Healing Isn’t Linear: Surviving Relapse and Learning to Begin Again

The journey of recovery and growth isn’t a straight climb; it’s a series of steps forward, stumbles, false starts, and new beginnings. The authors have spent years hearing from readers and clients about the frustration of relapse—the shame-storm that follows, the feeling of wasted effort, and the impulse to give up entirely. It’s tempting to see each regression as proof of failure, rather than part of the process.

In their own practice, both authors experienced and witnessed relapse. Substance cravings, old coping mechanisms, and emotional crashes return just when things seemed on track. What made a difference wasn’t superhuman willpower, but documenting the pattern, forgiving lapses, and focusing on one thing done differently—even something tiny.

Over time, celebrating these small acts gave way to a new self-kindness. Reaching out, trying again, and resetting the plan moved the needle forward. Evidence from clinical psychology and addiction science shows that self-compassion, honest self-monitoring, and iterative goal-setting are far more effective predictors of long-term healing than perfectionism or harsh self-judgment.

Whenever you feel you’ve fallen back into an old pattern, take a deep breath and write down what happened—without shaming yourself. What emotions or circumstances led you there, and how did you feel after? Find at least one thing you did better, even if it’s as small as reaching out for help or spending less time in the setback. Then, give yourself a real chance to begin again by adding one new supportive action for tomorrow, however tiny. This is how healing works—in fits, starts, and small victories—so treat each day as a fresh beginning.