Stop Believing Every Thought—Why Not All Your Mind’s Stories Deserve Attention

You've probably noticed that your mind loves to repeat certain stories at the worst possible times. Maybe you're walking into a new classroom or work project and your head fills with familiar words: 'I'm not ready,' or 'They're all better than me.' For years, you might have tried to outsmart those thoughts, convince yourself they aren’t true, or drown them out with positive quotes. Still, those old phrases always seem to come back right when you need confidence.

One trick, borrowed from evidence-based psychology, is to intentionally put a little distance between you and these thoughts—instead of letting them run the show. When you prefix a recurring self-criticism with 'I'm having the thought that…', it's like noticing a radio is playing in the background. Suddenly, you're the listener—not the performer. You start to see your thoughts as mental habits rather than breaking-news headlines.

Sound silly? The odd thing is, science shows this works even better if you take it further. Try saying the negative thought in a goofy voice, or sing it to the tune of 'Happy Birthday.' It won’t make the thought go away, but it turns down the emotional volume. You might chuckle, sigh, or just realize how often your mind replays the same unhelpful playlist.

The beauty of this approach—called cognitive defusion in ACT—is that it doesn’t require you to debate, suppress, or 'fix' your thoughts. Instead, you begin to treat them like passing clouds or spam email. This freedom to choose which thoughts to take seriously is one of the most liberating skills you can learn.

Next time an old, discouraging thought pops up—maybe when you catch your reflection or mess something up—notice it, and then say to yourself: 'I'm having the thought that…' and insert the phrase. If you're brave (and alone), sing that same phrase in your favorite cartoon character’s voice or to a catchy tune. Notice how the thought shifts or feels lighter. With practice, this distancing technique will help you see your thoughts for what they are—a stream of words—not absolute truths. Try it out the next time your mind grabs the mic.