The paradox of vulnerability—why real strength means letting others see your flaws

Most people instinctively hide their struggles, thinking it protects their image or relationships. You may believe showing nerves at school or work will mean you’re not taken seriously. So you keep your guard up, soldier on, and tell yourself that if you can just manage alone, you’ll be okay.

But there’s a moment when things hit a wall—a project collapses, a move doesn’t go as planned, a loss leaves you reeling. On a whim, you tell a colleague or friend, not the whole messy saga, but just a concrete truth: 'I’m not sure how to fix this.' Instead of eye rolls or distance, you get a quick laugh, a story in return, or simple encouragement. The sense of relief catches you off guard. Over the next few days, you realize people lean in, not out, when you drop the mask in safe spaces. Behavioral research backs this up: showing vulnerability, especially in small, low-risk situations, builds trust, deepens connection, and even reinforces your own self-acceptance. Psychologist Brené Brown calls this the paradox of vulnerability—real courage is letting yourself be seen, not just admired.

Pick just one situation this week where you'd usually keep quiet about a problem, and share a small struggle with someone you trust. Notice how your body feels—maybe a stomach flutter or a hot face. Let it be. Watch how the person responds and whether your anxiety matches what actually happens. Tonight, jot down what you learned and how your mood shifted. By risking a little vulnerability, you may find you feel lighter, closer, and more resilient than you thought possible.