When helping turns to enabling—how to spot and stop rescue cycles

Rescue cycles often feel generous but can sow frustration for everyone involved. Over time, if you're always stepping in to save someone—whether it’s helping a partner avoid consequences, bailing out a friend, or doing a coworker’s work—the kicker is that no one really gets what they need. The rescued person loses the chance to learn self-reliance or accountability. The rescuer, meanwhile, builds up resentment or exhaustion, wondering why nothing ever changes.

In the story, patterns like these are clear: Luke repeatedly swoops in to save Sabrina, often before she even asks. While helpful at first, this “knight” mentality enables her cycle of risky decisions and reinforces her belief that she can’t do things alone. As both grow more frustrated, neither likes the dynamic, but both fear what happens if the pattern ends. Behavioral science calls this a classic enabling loop, in which short-term relief trades away long-term growth. Lasting change depends on both parties tolerating discomfort, resisting “quick fixes,” and setting explicit new boundaries—transforming help into real support.

Think about one situation where you always step in for someone—maybe covering for a friend, child, or colleague who’s made a mistake. Write down what usually triggers your intervention and how it turns out for each of you. The next time you spot this pattern, stop and ask yourself if stepping in now is really the best way to help. Let the other person handle the outcome, however small, and see how you both grow from the experience. Sometimes, not rescuing is the kindest support you can give. Try it this week and watch for changes in both you and them.