How Perspective-Taking Outsmarts Raw Empathy and Why Ambiverts Win at Influence

Social science research over the past several decades challenges the myth that empathy alone makes you effective at moving others. Adam Galinsky's E Test and follow-ups at Northwestern and INSEAD show that people primed to feel powerful become worse at perspective-taking—they literally draw letters on their foreheads so only they can read them, not the other person! Conversely, those who imagine themselves as lower status are much keener to pick up on what others know, feel, and need. This effect extends to negotiations, sales, even classrooms—asserting less, listening more, asking questions instead of pushing solutions.

Crucially, it's not enough to 'feel for' others; the most effective influencers and negotiators focus on what the other person is thinking, what they know, and how they interpret their words. Studies with simulated business negotiations found that those instructed to take the opponent’s perspective (not just feel their feelings) reached dramatically better deals for both sides. Pure empathy sometimes even gets in the way by making you too deferential, but perspective-taking leads to creative win-wins.

Surprisingly, recent evidence from Adam Grant and others shows that 'ambiverts'—people in the middle of the introvert-extrovert range—outperform both extremes at persuasion and sales. Extroverts may talk too much, fail to listen, and come across as overbearing. Introverts may not assert themselves when needed. Ambiverts flexibly adjust, sometimes holding back, sometimes leading, and frequently balancing listening with action.

The twin skills of perspective-taking and strategic ambiversion can be learned, regardless of your starting point. The real power is not in how much you talk or feel, but how well you tune your approach to the situation and the person across from you.

In your next meeting or even an ordinary chat, set your mindset to 'humble observer.' Picture yourself as the guest, not the host—even if you have more experience or expertise. Focus on what the other person might not know, not just how they're feeling. If you usually blurt out ideas, count to ten before jumping in, and ask a question about the other person’s view. If you stick to listening, push yourself just once to share your perspective confidently. Practice blending both modes—initiative with curiosity, voice with attentive ears. Over time, you'll find people respond better to you and solutions emerge more easily.