If You Want to Grow, Seek Out the Toughest Direct Feedback—Even When It Hurts

Maybe it’s a knot in your stomach before a meeting. Or a sinking feeling you’re not hearing the whole story when people politely nod. For Joe Gebbia, Airbnb’s cofounder, this discomfort came to a head as the company scaled and cracks started to show in his team. People weren’t telling him the full truth—mistakes, frustrations, or nascent problems were hidden away, only rising up when they became crises. During a 360-degree review, he learned the hard truth: his perfectionism and defensiveness made people scared to share problems, so they waited until it was too late. The news was bruising, but also a turning point.

He spent weeks wrestling with the realization, then began actively seeking “the bad news I need to hear.” At meetings, he opened by inviting critique, then sat with the discomfort, resisting the urge to fix or deflect. He thanked people for candor and made visible changes—like letting go of always having the perfect answer, or embracing faster, less-than-perfect decisions. Over time, this built trust, psychological safety, and unexpected strength in his teams. Research confirms that organizations where leaders regularly ask for and act on tough feedback are not only more innovative but also less likely to suffer from sudden, catastrophic failures. The hard part? Learning to ask—in detail, and with humility—and then actually listening.

Choose one area you want unvarnished feedback about—schoolwork, your project, or even how you show up with friends. Approach someone whose opinion matters, and ask them directly for what you could do better or where you’re missing something. When the answer makes you uncomfortable, resist arguing, and instead write down the points that surprise you. Take one piece of advice—however small—and do something with it this week. Then, report back to your helper, showing you value honesty over flattery. Notice how each uncomfortable moment can yield a concrete improvement.