Stop chasing compliments and start uncovering trustworthy commitments

You know the feeling—you pitch your idea and the other person’s face lights up. They tell you it's brilliant, maybe the best thing they've heard all week. Your heart does a little leap. Maybe this is finally 'the one,' the genius move that will set everything in motion. But then, as the weeks pass, nobody replies to your emails, and the initial excitement fizzles into silence. Looking back, you realize: nobody actually committed to anything. They were just being nice.

This kind of feedback is easy to chase, especially if you’re hungry for validation or working on something that matters deeply to you. Our brains get hooked on compliments—they’re rewarding, and they mask the harder work of learning what’s true. But when you shift your focus, you notice who’s actually taking the next step. The person who introduces you to someone else. The friend who test-drives your prototype. The colleague who schedules a time to really work through your draft.

It feels different when someone puts something on the line. You taste the effort in their actions, whether it’s time, a favor, or a willingness to troubleshoot a messy first version. Sure, rejections sting. But real commitments—even a small one, like a friend sharing your beta app with their parent—are far better signals than a dozen warm 'likes.'

Psychology calls this seeking 'commitment signals'—looking for behaviors that show real investment. It's not just startup wisdom; it applies whenever you need to know what people will actually do, not just say. It may feel less thrilling at first, but it’s the surest way to build solutions that people willingly embrace.

Whenever you feel the warm glow of a compliment, pause for a second and let it settle without getting carried away. Then, nudge the conversation toward the facts: invite the person to walk you through a real example or offer a preview of their day. If things seem promising, make a gentle ask for something real—whether it’s trying out your solution, making an introduction, or committing time. If they hesitate, that tells you far more than enthusiasm ever could. Let these small steps guide you, turning flattery into real feedback that powers your next move.