Why asking for honest opinions almost always gets you polite lies

When you ask someone if your business idea sounds promising, they're likely to give you a gentle, supportive answer—especially if they care about you even a little. This happens all the time in startup circles, family brainstorming sessions, and group chats, where people want to encourage creativity without causing offense. You hear polite nods, compliments, and non-committal 'maybe I'd try that' replies. But after you invest time and energy, you might discover that nobody actually wants to use what you've built.

Instead, the most telling responses come when you steer the conversation away from your idea and toward real events: 'Tell me about the last time you faced this issue,' or, 'What did you do when you needed a solution?' Suddenly, people get specific. They describe that Tuesday morning they were under pressure, how they improvised, and what really frustrated them. There’s no need for them to guess how they’d feel in the future, so their stories are grounded and useful.

By focusing on specifics, not opinions, you uncover small but crucial details—like how your parent actually found a cookbook at Christmas, or that your coworker already uses Excel as a workaround. These concrete moments reveal the difference between noise and need. Opinions are colored by hope, social niceties, or even self-deception, but past actions show patterns. Behavior science calls this observing 'revealed preferences'—learning what people care about by what they’ve already done, not just what they say.

Being aware of this dynamic arms you against the comforting but dangerous trap of false validation. Nearly everyone’s fallen for polite lies at one time or another. But by switching to questions that anchor in real life, you get the raw material for decisions that actually move your project forward, rather than leaving you feeling lost after launch.

You don’t need to beg for someone's opinion or see them squirm to be polite. Next time you have a new idea, keep your ego aside and focus on unearthing the truth in their experiences. Let go of the urge for approval and, instead, ask about specific situations they’ve faced recently. If they can recall a real example, great—you’re on the right track. If not, that's its own powerful clue. With each honest story, you’ll collect the facts that help you build things people truly want. Why not try it with your next conversation?