The Dynamic Battle Between Adult Autonomy and Parenting’s Loss of Control

You remember your earlier years—the feeling of possibility in each free weekend, the ease of a spontaneous bike ride, the simplicity of getting up and going wherever you pleased. These memories can hit hard on a day when everything feels like obligation: there’s a child’s meltdown in the cereal aisle, work emails flashing at the worst moments, and the constant chorus of ‘Mom, Mom!’ or ‘Dad, Dad!’ Even in quiet moments, a gentle ache for your ‘old self’ can surface.

Pause for five minutes and make those two lists—what you used to do freely, and how your life has shifted. Notice any little acts of choice still available to you: the way you stir your coffee, the order you clean the rooms, choosing to send a quick voice message to a friend. Share these feelings with someone who understands. You’re not alone—identity and autonomy change, but recognizing the before and after, and respecting even small acts of agency, can help you find steadiness during times of upheaval. Try this the next time you catch yourself longing for the ‘old’ days.