Why Parenting Is High-Cost, High-Reward—And Why That’s Normal

Modern parenting is a paradox nearly everyone feels but few admit: it drains you and, sometimes in those same moments, fills you up. The daily grind involves thousands of minor frustrations—whether it’s yet another snack on the floor, endless “why?” questions, or negotiations over bedtime. These repetitive challenges can make you wonder if you’re doing something wrong or missing some ‘secret’ everyone else seems to have. Social science, however, tells a different story. When researchers actually measure parents' mood throughout the day, child care often ranks below leisure or even chores. Yet, in the longer view, parents report more intense highs and lows than non-parents and, crucially, a deeper sense of meaning. These two realities aren’t at odds—they’re the essence of high-cost, high-reward experiences.

Start tonight by writing down the biggest challenge you faced as a parent today—the messy breakfast, the forgotten permission slip, the sibling squabble. Let yourself acknowledge, without judgment, how normal it is to feel depleted. Now, reach for one memory from today—a child saying something silly, sharing a hug, or even just a rare moment of silence—and jot that down, too. Share these real snapshots with a friend or fellow parent. Let yourself see the pattern: struggle and reward, exhaustion and joy, frustration and a flash of meaning. Try this for one week to notice how your internal story shifts.