How Cycles of Abuse Perpetuate—And Strategies for Disruption

Family legacy is more than genetics—it’s memory, learned behaviors, and sometimes, the baggage of old wounds. The science on intergenerational trauma shows that, without conscious action, the patterns we suffer through are the ones we tend to pass down—anger, secrecy, emotional withdrawal, or cycles of violence.

The first step to change is seeing the shape of what you’ve inherited. Often, we’re acting out scripts written long before we could read, driven by expectations or fears we’ve never questioned. But when someone shines light on these old scripts and dares to write a new ending, the cycle can finally break. You might not become the hero overnight, and sometimes small moves are all that’s possible. But every interruption—a conscious choice not to repeat what hurt you—plants a seed for healing.

The past doesn’t have to be your future. Noticing the cycles, naming them, and changing even a fraction of your next reaction makes all the difference.

Sit down in a quiet moment and write out one memory from your family that still stings—who was there, what was done, and what you took from it. Now map that story onto your current life: when do you feel it echo in how you act, choose or react? Imagine a version where someone did right by you—how did it go differently? Now, next time that old pattern rises up, try interrupting it; pause before you react, reach out to someone safe, or simply state your feelings out loud. These small acts are how cycles start to change.