Why Social Stigma and Identity Collide—And How Marginalized People Survive

When you’re labeled, shamed, or pushed outside the mainstream, survival often starts with how you talk to yourself. After being targeted by criticism (whether for gender, sexuality, body, or anything else), many people begin to police themselves to fit in or, sometimes, go to the opposite extreme in a desperate bid to reclaim agency. It’s exhausting and often leads to self-doubt or defensive anger.

The secret for many who thrive despite stigma is authenticity—the courage to own the full truth of who you are, use your own words for it, and stop letting others’ judgments shape your story. This shift isn’t instant. It’s a daily practice. But studies in self-determination theory and minority stress show that rewriting self-talk helps counteract feelings of shame, promotes self-acceptance, and even boosts physical health.

It’s hard. Others may never see you as you want to be seen. But you can see yourself, claim your dignity, and connect with those who honor your reality. Owning your own labels is a profound act of resilience.

Start by making a list of the negative words and labels that others have stuck to you—whether or not you ever believed them, just get them out in the open. Think about how these have shaped what you dare to try, how you relate to others, or how you see yourself in tough times. Then, pick one of those old labels and rewrite it on your terms, turning it into something neutral, positive, or true to who you are. Try out your new definition with someone who understands or just write it somewhere you’ll see every day. Each time you own your story, a little bit of shame loses its hold.