Why Discomfort Is a Secret Ingredient in Family Growth

Families grow the most—not in times of perfect calm, but in moments of unavoidable discomfort. Imagine a parent who’s always taken the same route to school, until one day, she decides to take her kids on the city bus instead. The unfamiliar seats are a bit sticky, the other passengers seem intimidating, and she wonders if she made a mistake. She glances at her youngest, who’s clutching her hand tighter than usual, scanning the faces and asking why that man smells different or why those teens talk so loud.

During the ride, she resists the urge to shield her kids and instead says, 'It feels strange to be new at this. What are you noticing?' The children pipe up—a blend of anxious, curious, and wide-eyed amazement. There’s discomfort in the air, yet, as the trip unfolds, it transforms into shared exhilaration. Later, back at home, they can talk about tricky moments: worrying about missing a stop or meeting someone living on the margins of society. The strangeness lingers, but so does a subtle pride—they did something tough together, and they learned from it.

Behavioral science shows that novelty and mild challenge activate new neural pathways, increase attention, and foster deeper emotional memories. When these moments are tackled as a group, they can spark conversation and build trust. It’s not the absence of hardship but the deliberate, kind exposure to it—with support—that cements family connection and resilience. Repeated research on emotional bonding finds that processing discomfort, rather than avoiding it, helps children internalize courage, empathy, and belonging.

When you sense your routines start to dull your family’s spark, make a conscious effort to chase a new, slightly uncomfortable adventure together. Take a moment to share your honest nerves or hopes as you step into that experience, letting your kids see that everyone feels awkward sometimes—and that it’s okay. Afterward, find a cozy spot to talk about what was surprising, what felt hard, and what you learned about one another through it all. This habit of gently meeting discomfort as a team will become a foundation for the kind of trust and closeness that only adversity can build—so why not commit to your first small stretch right now?