Why Ignoring Mild Misbehavior (Yes!) Strengthens Positive Change for ADHD
It’s tempting to correct every off-beat activity—especially with kids who seem to invent new ways to push your buttons each day. But surprisingly, a well-chosen moment of silence can create room for growth. Scientific research into ADHD parenting strategies emphasizes that not all misbehavior requires your attention. Think of a typical day at home: your child drums their fingers during math homework, muttering a tune beneath their breath. Previously, this might have sparked a reprimand or yet another debate.
Instead, you take a breath, shift your focus to your own work for a moment, and wait. The drumming fades. When attention returns to homework—even for a brief spell—you catch it and praise the effort: “Nice job focusing on your reading!” There’s no fight, and nobody feels defeated. Over time, by consistently choosing which behaviors to ignore and which to reinforce, the ratio of positive to negative attention shifts.
Behavioral psychology calls this 'strategic ignoring', and it’s particularly powerful with neurodivergent kids. Human brains crave attention. When children realize they get feedback only for positive contributions, not for minor acting out, they start to invest their energy where it brings connection and reward. This doesn’t mean letting major problems slide—but it does mean not sweating the small stuff, so your energy goes where it counts.
When you notice mild, non-dangerous behavior that’s just a little annoying, practice not reacting—no eye rolls, sighs, or comments. The next time your child switches to positive behavior, immediately offer specific praise. Over the course of a week, see what changes as you shift your attention away from little disruptions and toward moments when things go right.
What You'll Achieve
You’ll feel calmer and less reactive, while your child learns that positive actions get your attention and energy. This reduces power struggles and gradually eliminates small disruptive habits.
Practice Strategic Ignoring to Boost Good Behavior
Identify minor disruptive behaviors to ignore.
Choose small, non-harmful infractions (e.g., occasional squirming or muttering) that don’t seriously harm anyone or disrupt essential routines.
Deliberately withhold reaction when these occur.
Resist the urge to scold, instruct, or comment—stay composed and focused elsewhere. If necessary, offer a neutral reminder only if safety or major rules are involved.
Plan to immediately reinforce positive behavior.
As soon as your child switches to a better behavior (e.g., sitting calmly after fidgeting), give specific praise or a reward to show what you like.
Reflection Questions
- Which behaviors trigger me most, and are any truly harmless?
- How do I feel when I deliberately choose not to react?
- What positive behaviors am I missing when I’m distracted by little annoyances?
- How quickly can I reinforce better behavior instead?
Personalization Tips
- A parent ignores minor humming at the dinner table but praises their child for using kind words.
- A teacher tunes out harmless desk tapping but gives a sticker when the student raises their hand.
- A sports coach overlooks small sideline wiggling but calls out encouragement when the player listens to instructions.
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