Independence by Inches: Building Real-World Skills in the Age of Parental Cocooning

Each September, Jordan’s college welcomes a new crop of students—some ready to handle anything, others lost without a parent’s daily reminders. Jordan’s first semester, he watched roommates freeze over lost ID cards or scramble to pay a parking ticket, needing to call home at every turn. He remembered his own 'Adulting School' checklist: one year, his mom insisted he master five new skills before graduation. At first, Jordan groaned at cooking spaghetti or dealing with health forms, but over time, he stopped needing to double-check everything, and started solving more on his own.

One Wednesday, a friend panicked about laundry—Jordan shrugged, gave a rundown of color-sorting and cycles, and left the rest unsupervised. Sure, there were mistakes: a shrunken shirt here, an overdrawn account there. But Jordan found each fix less scary than the last, and a sense of satisfaction quietly replaced the earlier anxiety. He couldn’t help but notice how much less stressed he felt than friends who’d never had the chance to flail before college.

From a behavioral science perspective, 'scaffolded independence'—gradually increasing responsibility with decreasing support—builds true competence and confidence more reliably than perpetual parental management. Skills build not just from knowing what to do, but from having repeated, low-stakes opportunities to try, flub, adjust, and try again.

Write down a list of ten real-life skills that you believe every adult should manage—paying bills, getting to appointments, cooking, and so on. Quickly score yourself on each, from 'not at all' to 'can do alone,' then choose the weakest link to tackle this week. Let yourself learn by doing, seeking input only if genuinely stumped, and keep track of what trips you up. As your list grows lighter, your confidence and freedom grow heavier—build up these muscles, and soon 'adulting' won’t feel so intimidating.