Letting Kids Struggle Is Not Negligence—Why Practicing Coping Skills Matters More Than Shielding From Pain

It’s tempting—especially for loving parents—to smooth every bump, prevent every disappointment, and shield kids from failure. However, decades of resilience research paint a more nuanced picture. The most well-adjusted children aren’t those with the fewest problems, but the ones who learn, little by little, to handle adversity.

Consider a child who constantly gets 'rescued' from classroom squabbles, sports frustrations, or missing a turn in a game. In the short run, they feel better, but over time, they start to doubt their capacity to cope with life’s messiness. They become reliant on adults to fix everything, missing out on critical self-regulation and problem-solving practice.

Cognitive-behavioral studies in child psychology underscore the importance of 'guided mastery': adults scaffold just enough support while encouraging kids to brainstorm and attempt their own solutions. This builds confidence, persistence, and emotional stability—not perfection, but progress.

A true marker of resilience is not how infrequently a child experiences stress, but how effectively they recover and learn from these experiences. The role of supportive adults is to coach, not control—to walk alongside rather than rush ahead to clear every obstacle.

First, remind your child that it’s normal to feel upset or stuck and that setbacks are a part of growing. When something goes wrong, prompt your child to offer ideas for handling it, and encourage even small, creative suggestions. Support their efforts, no matter the outcome—praise their process, not just their results. Over time, you’ll watch their confidence and resourcefulness grow, turning struggles into stepping stones. Try this at the next missed goal, lost toy, or friendship hiccup and see how your child rises to the occasion.