Why Repeated Criticism Backfires—And How Strength-Based Parenting Works

Many children with ADHD hear more about what’s wrong than what’s working, and over time, criticism sticks while praise slips away. Psychologists call this the 'negativity bias,' where brains, especially developing ones, latch onto bad feedback and struggle to retain positive messages. Consider a parent who, out of habit, points out every unmade bed but misses cheering for the quirky Lego tower built after dinner. Or who scolds for another lost sock but never acknowledges the gentle way their child plays with the family dog.

Strength-based parenting turns this around. Instead of defaulting to correction mode, it asks parents to scan for any authentic example of competence or effort—whether it’s the way a child arranges books, attempts to manage time, or even consoles a sibling. The trick: be specific, honest, and immediate. When a child hears, 'You did a good job starting your homework after just two prompts,' that memory has a better chance of sticking than the endless 'Why can’t you remember?'

This isn’t false cheerleading. It is a deliberate, repeated practice that—over weeks and months—slowly rewires a child’s sense of self. With time and exposure, strengths take up more neural real estate, anchoring self-confidence and building resilience. Behavior science shows that consistent, concrete, positive feedback outperforms punishment when it comes to long-term learning and emotional growth.

Make it your mission to spot moments of effort—catch your child being thoughtful or persistent, and say exactly what you see, even if it seems minor. Whether they set the table in their own odd way or try (and flop) at organizing a backpack, let your feedback be experienced as real encouragement. Ask them about moments they felt good or enjoyed what they were doing, and affirm those unique strengths, planting seeds for real, lasting confidence. Make this a daily habit—start with just one comment today.