Special Time: The Antidote to Attention-Seeking Misbehavior Most Parents Miss

You might not notice the beginning of the habit: your child bumps you as they walk past, or your partner spends more time making noise than sharing something kind. These bids for attention can wear anyone down. As one tired parent found, carving out a tiny window each evening, labeled aloud as 'Special Time,' turned things around. Her son, who had been swatting for attention, started softening, saving stories and requests for the evening’s check-in.

Special Time is less about the activity and more about exclusive, undivided presence. Even siblings who seem inseparable flourish when they can spend 10-15 minutes being the only focus. It’s not magic—in fact, you might feel awkward or pressed for time at first. But repeated studies and family coaching experience reveal that positive, predictable attention is the single greatest antidote to negative attention-seeking and family tension.

When you make Special Time sacred, even if it’s just a walk to the store or a few rounds of Go Fish, your child’s need for connection is met in the most useful way: before misbehavior begins. The habit gradually quiets the demands for attention elsewhere, freeing up energy for everyone.

Choose a window—even if it’s short—today where you give one person your full, undivided, labeled attention. Let them know it’s Special Time, and let them pick from a couple of options. Put phones away, pause your own to-do list, and stay present even if it feels strange. Do this for a week and notice how much less they clamor for your attention in other ways. Don’t wait for an open hour; start with ten minutes tonight.