Escaping the Trauma of Narcissistic Projection: Spotting—and Returning—What Was Never Yours

Why do some criticisms or labels stick to us like glue, echoing for years after childhood has ended? For many, these judgments were never truly about you—they were projections, meaning your parent unloaded their own unwanted feelings onto you. Maybe your mother struggled with neediness or shame, so when you expressed pain, she called you 'too much' or 'too weak.'

As a child, you believed these labels, internalizing them as facts. Now, as an adult, you can spot their origin and start returning them. This requires both cognitive recognition ('That was her voice, not mine') and an emotional process: symbolically letting go of what you absorbed. Actions like writing, speaking, or even visualizing can help your brain create distance and restore your authentic self-image.

Decades of therapy research affirm that separating your actual self from inherited projections reduces anxiety, shame, and self-doubt, laying the groundwork for lasting healing. It is difficult, sometimes counter-intuitive work, but foundational for escaping the hold of narcissistic abuse.

Compile a list of judgments or harsh labels you received from your parent—even ones that seem trivial now. As you look at each, pause and remind yourself: 'These were never mine. They belong to someone else.' Reclaim your truth by writing, speaking, or imagining a statement that feels true for you today. If it helps, make the process physical: throw away or burn the words, or picture returning them like shop returns. Each time you do, you make room for new, self-chosen beliefs that align with your reality, not your mother's.