Reality over Fantasy: Escaping the Narcissist’s Script and Stepping into Your Own Story

It’s Saturday morning and you’re staring at your calendar, crammed with to-dos you never wanted—commitments made for people who rarely see you as more than the supporting character in their own stories. The script says: 'Keep the peace. Don’t risk their anger. Good daughters give, don’t ask.' You know it by heart; it’s a lullaby and a prison sentence all at once.

But things shift when you ask: 'Where did this story begin? Whose rules is it really serving?' Over coffee, you scribble onto a napkin: 'What does it cost me to keep living by these rules?' Your stomach knots as you write, 'My confidence. My free time. My actual interests.'

You recall how, in high school, you dropped out of choir because your mom said singing was a waste, not a real talent. The pattern repeats—decisions shaped by her rules rather than your desire. You begin to ask, 'If I stopped believing her version of reality, what would I do?' Maybe sign up for those singing lessons anyway, or say no to that family dinner that always ends in self-doubt.

Psychology shows that unlearning family scripts involves both cognitive questioning (challenging the story’s accuracy) and behavioral experiments (taking actions that test new possibilities). At first, this feels impossible, even dangerous—but every honest question chips away at the fantasy, making space for your truth, your story.

This week, pinpoint one family belief or 'script' you’ve inherited—even if it looks noble on the surface, check whether it fits your current life. Write down the costs of following it, and then pose tough questions: Would you want someone you love to live by this standard? What might life look like if it didn’t dictate your every move? Let yourself dream, even for a moment, about choosing yourself. Next time a decision comes up, pause and see if you can act in a way that honors your own reality instead. Remember, you have full permission to rewrite your story.