Self-Compassion—The Overlooked Foundation for Modeling Kindness

You might think that putting yourself last is the ultimate act of love and care, especially as a parent or friend. But research and real-life experience say otherwise: kids watch how you talk to and treat yourself for clues about how they should treat themselves, too. If you’re constantly running on empty, muttering self-criticism under your breath, or skipping rest to tend to everyone else, children absorb this lesson all too well.

It isn’t self-indulgent to tell your child you’re taking a short break, or to pause, breathe, and forgive yourself out loud when you forget something important. In fact, these small, ordinary acts lay the groundwork for their self-worth. They learn that mistakes are opportunities, not proof of failure, and that looking after your mind and body makes it easier to be present and kind.

Numerous psychological studies confirm that people who practice self-compassion experience lower stress, greater resilience, and more fulfillment in their relationships. The oxygen-mask analogy rings true: only when you care for yourself can you truly care for others. Let your family hear and see this principle in action—they’ll thank you for it in ways that outlast any to-do list or perfect routine.

The next time things go off track—maybe you’re running behind or you drop the ball on a commitment—pause and speak your forgiveness aloud, no matter how small that moment feels. Carve out a slice of your day for something restorative, however brief, and mention to your child or your partner why it matters to you. As you notice self-critical thoughts, try reframing them with gentleness and encourage the same in those around you. This isn’t selfishness; it’s the best foundation for the kindness you wish to spread. Squeeze it in this week, even if just for five minutes.