Acting Like the Person You Want to Become Actually Changes How You Feel
The saying 'fake it until you make it' isn’t just a cliché—it has real psychological weight. Think about a time you felt nervous but smiled and greeted a group anyway, maybe at a family gathering or in class. Somehow, after a few minutes, your apparent cheer started to seep into your mood.
It’s easy to believe that feelings drive our actions, but behavioral science shows it works both ways. Repeatedly acting confident, lighthearted, or caring can literally retrain your emotional responses—your body and brain start to anticipate the emotion that matches the behavior. For example, consistently acting patient with a child—even when feeling frustrated—can help grow genuine patience over time.
This is rooted in cognitive-behavioral models, which hold that thought, behavior, and feeling are constantly interacting systems. Intentionally changing behavior can 'back-feed' into thought and feeling, creating an upward spiral. The research on the facial feedback hypothesis even suggests that holding a smile, even a fake one, can lift mood, and adopting 'power poses' for a few minutes before a test can increase feelings of confidence.
Testing this in small, real-world settings—like being more playful on purpose during family arguments or acting calm when you’ve lost your keys—teaches you how adaptable emotion can be. It’s not overnight magic, but it’s a shift anyone can practice, often with immediate, subtle rewards.
Write down the moods you want to cultivate, like calmness, joy, or focus. Choose one simple action for each: perhaps you’ll walk quickly when tired, start a silly dance for joy, or pause and breathe to signal calm. Even if you don’t feel it inside, go through the motions and see what happens—notice how your thoughts slowly begin to line up with your actions over the week. This may feel unnatural at first, but stick with it, and you’ll start to feel the emotional difference, whether at home, school, or work. Try one behavior today—like jumping or smiling—and watch the ripple.
What You'll Achieve
Increase your ability to self-regulate mood, recover from setbacks, and develop authentic emotional habits that improve well-being and performance. Externally, notice more consistent, resilient behavior in challenging situations.
Use 'Fake It Until You Feel It' for Mood Shifts
List the feelings you want to experience more.
Identify whether you want to feel more energetic, patient, cheerful, or confident; write down your target moods.
Pick one behavior linked to each feeling.
For instance, if you want to feel cheerful, smile and speak in an upbeat tone; if you want to feel energetic, walk briskly or jump a little.
Act out the desired behavior, regardless of emotion.
Commit to practicing these actions daily, especially during times when you feel the opposite emotion. Note your internal response.
Reflection Questions
- When have I noticed my mood shift after changing my behavior?
- What emotion do I want to experience more, and what action could support it?
- What stops me from 'acting as if,' and how can I get past that initial discomfort?
- How might my family or colleagues respond to my new behavior?
Personalization Tips
- Before a stressful meeting, adopt confident body language and speak with assurance—even if you’re nervous inside.
- If you want to feel less anxious at a social event, act as if you are relaxed: take slow breaths, smile, and engage others.
- When struggling with low motivation, mimic the routines of an inspired person, like preparing your workspace or using energetic gestures.
Happier at Home: Kiss More, Jump More, Abandon a Project, Read Samuel Johnson, and My Other Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life
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