Why Your True Self Often Gets Buried—And How To Reclaim It In A Hyperconnected World

Modern life teaches young people, especially girls, to present edited, filtered versions of themselves just to fit in or rack up likes. Social media, advertising, and even well-meaning adults often send mixed messages—be honest but don’t upset anyone, be strong but always be agreeable. Over time, it’s easy for the true self—the messy, creative, fiercely unique part that loves, learns, and fights for what matters—to get buried under endless performances and anxiety about how you appear to others.

But psychologists like Alice Miller and generations of adolescent therapists have shown that when girls abandon their authentic voices just to be accepted, they lose confidence, joy, and even their sense of direction. Miller calls this the split into a ‘false self’—the version we sharpen for the crowd—and the loss of the ‘true self’—the vast realm where our real needs, talents, and dreams live. This isn’t just about individual willpower; social forces, technology, and subtle cultural rules push everyone in this direction. Still, it is possible to notice the split happening in everyday moments and to gently reclaim what’s real and lasting.

Simple practices—like uninterrupted creative time, honest conversations, and reconnecting with childhood passions—give space for the true self to resurface. Small actions, repeated over time, can restore authenticity and build resilience against the pressures of performance and perfection. Honest self-reflection and the support of trusted allies are your best tools for staying whole in a world that profits from your uncertainty.

Think about the things you loved as a kid before you cared what others thought—drawing superheroes, inventing stories, exploring outside. This week, set aside a chunk of time to try one out again, without posting or asking for anyone’s opinion. Keep track of those moments when you feel yourself trying to perform just to fit in—jot them down, no judgment. Then make space to be alone with your interests, maybe reading, doodling, or playing music no one else hears. Finally, share one genuine passion with someone who supports you, whether that’s sending a song you wrote or telling your parent about a memory. The more you prioritize these quiet, authentic moments, the easier it is to remember and protect the real you beneath all the noise.