Why The Self-Esteem Movement’s Generic Praise Fails to Build Real Confidence

Forty years of self-esteem research seemed to promise a cure-all: praise children constantly and they’ll thrive. Schools handed out trophies to everyone, teachers stopped using red pens, and every small accomplishment was met with applause. However, when scientists re-examined the data, they found a different story: high self-esteem didn’t reliably predict better grades, less risky behavior, or improved relationships. In fact, it was often correlated with overconfidence, risk aversion, or even greater aggression.

Further studies revealed that generic, unearned praise teaches children to devalue authenticity. By the age of twelve, many kids view routine praise as proof of low ability, sensing that teachers reserve encouragement for those struggling most. Children—like adults—recognize hollow compliments, and they respond best when praise is sincere and specific.

Surprisingly, constructive criticism delivered with genuine faith in the recipient’s potential can be more validating than broad approval. Children exposed to honest feedback tend to believe improvement is always possible. The cultural push for universal praise, intended to instill confidence, has often instead led to more insecurity and less resilience.

Current best practice? Hold praise for real accomplishment, make it personal, and use critique to support—not sabotage—future growth.

Think about the last praise you gave—was it for something real, or just to keep the mood upbeat? Going forward, save your best words for moments when they’re truly earned: name the act, describe what stood out, and say how it matters. If there’s a mistake or a slip, address it with faith that change is within reach, showing you value both honesty and progress. When your words have weight, children and colleagues learn to believe them—and themselves—more deeply.