Use Strategic Ignoring and Nonverbal Cues to Shape Behavior (Without Arguments)

The next time someone’s being rude—your child, a partner, even a coworker—consider how hard it is to argue with an expression instead of a word. In many Indigenous families, when a child acts out, parents rarely get drawn into shouting matches; instead, they send a message with their eyes or, if needed, quietly walk away. There’s a moment of uncertainty—the child pauses, feeling the absence of attention, not a surge of anger. The air feels charged, but not with conflict. After a few beats, calm restores, and everyone resumes the task at hand. It’s not about punishing, but about teaching that engagement is reserved for respect and calm.

Behavioral studies show that attention is a potent reinforcer—remove it, and unwanted behaviors wither. The power to disengage, rather than escalate, transforms families and relationships, keeping respect at the center and power struggles at bay.

The next time misbehavior or drama erupts, resist the urge to scold; instead, pause, give a steady look, or simply turn away for a moment. Don’t explain or justify—let your silence and lack of attention do the work. When things settle, reconnect gently, with no grudges held. Try this approach today at home, at work, or among friends, and track how quickly the storm passes. Be patient with yourself—the power of calm non-reaction takes a little practice but yields big changes.