You Can't Fill the 'God-Sized Hole': The Science of Unfillable Yearning and Healthy Substitutes

From the time we’re small, we sense a restlessness or emptiness inside—a 'God-sized hole,' as some call it. Many adults and teens spend decades trying to fill that hole with things that numb: food, alcohol, endless scrolling, or constant achievement. The trouble is, these quick fixes often leave us feeling emptier and more tired than when we began. The comfort is short-lived, and the need only grows stronger. Scientists point to the dopamine cycle—spikes of pleasure followed by longer stretches of discomfort—as the engine driving this restless seeking.

Instead, the path to real well-being isn’t about finally filling the hole for good. It’s about getting practical and gentle with ourselves, choosing activities that connect us, spark presence, or foster creativity. The swap might feel awkward at first, but over time, a walk in nature, a talk with a friend, or the habit of self-forgiveness feels far more nourishing than a third slice of cake or a late-night shopping binge. Everyone craves comfort, but not every comfort comforts for long.

This is less about 'fixing' yourself and more about paying attention, then replacing dead-end soothers with things that reconnect you to your own life and to others. The yearning may never totally end, but you can learn to live well with it.

Take a moment to jot down what you reach for when you’re lonely or stressed—food, your phone, or something else. Next time you notice yourself reaching for that thing, pause and try something that might leave you feeling fuller—call a friend, step outside, write a paragraph about your day. Afterward, check in with how you feel. Trade the old numb-out patterns for even one act of real connection, and see which feeds you more. Experiment with these swaps this week and invite someone you trust to try it alongside you.