Validating Feelings: The Foundation for Resilient, Emotionally Healthy Families

Imagine a busy morning where a toddler cries about not wanting to wear their coat. The parent, late for work, is tempted to grab the child and dismiss the fuss, but instead crouches down, saying, ‘You don’t like how hot the coat feels, do you?’ The child nods, the tension drops, and they negotiate keeping the coat off until they’re outside. The whole day shifts from rushed battle to brief partnership.

On another day, a six-year-old falls and scrapes her knee. Instead of ‘You’re fine, don’t cry,’ her father scoops her up and says, ‘That sting hurts. Let me hold you until it eases.’ Minutes later, she hops away, soothed and ready to play again.

Scientific studies consistently demonstrate this pattern: feelings that are witnessed and validated lose their sting faster. Disallowed or distracted feelings, on the other hand, tend to return in hidden or more powerful forms. Children and adults who are consistently validated learn to tolerate distress, solve their own problems, and become more resilient over time.

Today, when upset feelings bubble up in your family or with a friend, slow down and reflect back the emotion you see before rushing to distract or fix. Speak it aloud—'You really wanted to stay at the park longer, huh?'—and notice how the conversation opens rather than shuts down. Offer a calming presence instead of solutions right away, and watch how this helps the feeling move through. Use drawing or storytelling to help process stronger emotions if words are tricky. Repeating this with patience turns emotional storms into building blocks for trust and confidence.