Set house rules that leads to connection, not protection
Identify those areas where you feel enraged and protective but want to be engaged and connected.
For example, you might feel enraged that there are many toys in your house but would also love your kids to have many toys.
Pay attention to the things your kids do to keep your home disorganized.
Identifying these things will help you set rules for them to stay organized while still connecting with the entire family.
Use the one rule at a time approach, so you can be motivated to keep going.
Include your alone time in your family rules.
Having time to yourself will help keep you insane as you manage your home.