Search for threads of similarity.

According to the similarity-attraction effect, people are more prone to like us when they find that we’re similar to them. Keeping this in mind, finding or weaving similarities in conversations is one of the best practices to make you be seen as likable.


  1. When socializing, use “people, context, interests” to search for similarities.
    Here’s how it works:

    • People: If you’re at an event, try asking the following: how they know the host, if they have known them for a long time, or how they know someone else you saw them connect with.
    • Context: Ask the person if they’ve been in this group for a while or if they like the event.
    • Interests: Notice their outfit and find something such as a hat, pen, or shirt logo you can relate to. Ask them how long they have been a fan of such-and-such.
  2. Once you find one similar thread, keep digging deeper!
    Use whys to get into a deeper conversation. Try using why at least five times in the conversation. E.g., “I read you went to Colorado State University—me too! Why did you choose CSU?”

  3. Find a reason to help them in an area they’re either new or weak at.
    Are they new in town or visiting? Suggest a restaurant or place they might want to check out. Are they studying mindfulness and you happen to have finished a book on that you can lend? You get the point. So by helping out, you create the biggest similarity, as you’ve been there yourself.


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