Respond to bids for connection positively.


  1. Give a high-energy response that involves full attention and eye contact.
    This will show affection and sincerity towards the other party. For example, if your friend informs you he will be getting married next month, you could respond by saying, “That’s great news, congratulations! I’m so happy for you”.
  2. Give an attentive response that involves your opinion, thoughts, and feelings.
    This type of response is validating to the other party. For example, if your sister shows you what she found on sale, you could reply, “It’s so cute. It’s just the right color for you.” Another example of an attentive response is to laugh or smile at a joke, even if it isn’t funny to you.
  3. If you are in the middle of something, give a low-energy response involving a few words or a question.
    Such a response may either indicate that you need clarifications or that you really want to be part of the conversation, but unfortunately, you have to handle other important things immediately. For example, if your friend informs you she has found the man of her dreams while you are busy typing out a letter, you could reply, “OMG! Can we talk about this when I'm done?"
  4. If you are not in a great mood, give a near passive response with a single word to indicate your needs.
    This will signal to the other party that you might not be fine and could instead need more attention. For example, if your husband asks you how you spent your day, you could reply with an “okay” without stopping what you are doing.


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