Release toxic shame and dysfunctional coping mechanisms to attract the right partner

Identify familiar childhood patterns in your present relationship
We often attract people who share some of the worst traits of our parents. Therefore, write down how your partner recreates your familiar childhood patterns. Then share this information with your partner.

Write down the things you do to please your partner
Let’s say you always go out of your way to please your wife yet she’s never happy, and this leaves you frustrated and discontent. Make a list of all the ways you try to make your partner happy and then ask yourself: What changes would I make if I did not have to worry about making her happy?”

Interrogate why you formed a relationship with a “dysfunctional” partner
As a nice guy, you probably think that you’re healthy and your partner is the dysfunctional one. The next time you find yourself feeling frustrated, resentful, or angry at her, ask yourself: Why have I invited her into my life? What do I need to learn from this situation? How would my perspective of this situation change if I saw it as a gift?