Open up and embrace healthy forms of sexual expression

Instructions

  1. Find a safe space to talk about your sex life
    Join a support group of people you trust and share your sexual history, ways in which you act out sexually, and your dark fantasies. Talk about your earliest sexual memory, childhood experiences, sexual trauma, and any sexual issues in your family. You can also share details about your affairs, use of porn, sexually offending behavior, or fetishes. Opening up to others helps to release sexual shame and fear.

  2. Set aside time to practice healthy masturbation
    Choose a comfortable place where nobody will disturb you. Practice masturbation by looking and touching yourself without relying on any pornography or fantasizing about someone. Pay attention to how you feel without setting any agenda e.g. orgasm. Observe any tendency to distract yourself with goals or fantasies. Just focus on how you feel and use this information to identify any shame or fear you have.

  3. Consider going on a sexual moratorium
    Consciously avoid sex for about 3 to 6 months. Talk to your partner about this before you begin and decide the parameters of the moratorium. Pay attention to any sabotaging behavior or slip-ups from you or your partner. This can be a powerful experience to help you break sexual dysfunction cycles, release resentment, and address any feelings you’ve been avoiding with sex.

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