Reclaim your assertiveness in relationships


  1. Identify your beliefs that hinder assertiveness.
    Do you have the tendency to please others? fear confrontation? or doubt your worthiness? List down these beliefs and reflect on how they have affected your relationships and self-esteem.
  2. Recognize the origins of these beliefs.
    Reflect on the experiences or teachings that contributed to these beliefs. Were they instilled during childhood? Are they a result of past relationships? Understanding their origin can help you see them as external impositions rather than intrinsic truths.
  3. Challenge BLUE thoughts. When you catch yourself having thoughts that blame yourself, look for bad news, make an unhappy guess, or exaggerate negatively, stop and challenge them. Ask, "Is there evidence to support this thought, or am I assuming the worst?" If there's no evidence to support them, replace them with balanced, true thoughts that reflect a more accurate and kinder perspective towards yourself.
  4. Use the "What Would I Tell a Friend?" technique to assert yourself.
    Whenever you're unsure about asserting yourself, imagine a friend in your situation and think about the advice you would give them. This can help you access compassion and objectivity towards yourself, making it easier to see the reasonable course of action.
  5. Resist emotional blackmail.
    Identify situations where you feel pressured by fear, obligation, or guilt (FOG). Ask yourself if your actions are genuinely what you want or if they're driven by FOG. Practice setting boundaries in these situations, even if it's uncomfortable at first. Remember, it's okay to seek support from trusted friends or a therapist during this process.


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