Look for the other person's "hot buttons" in conversations.

Create a conversation using hot buttons.
Start looking for specific details on their choices, clothing, or accessories. For example, if they’re wearing a Star Wars shirt and you’re also a fan, strike up a conversation about that. Or, if they pick a particular wine, ask if they’re a wine aficionado. Here are other examples straight from the book:

• “You mentioned that you volunteer with Big Brothers—have you always done that?”
• “I noticed your purse is handwoven—did you make it?”
• “They lean in to catch more of what your saying.”

Continue using/looking for the person’s hot buttons in conversations.
People love talking about what they care about. So make sure to look for the following to know you pushed a hot button (and of course, continue with that line of conversation!):

• They show excitement by bobbing their head up and down and saying, “Yeah!” or, “Yes!”
• They agree with you with “Mmm-hmm.”
• They lean in to catch more of what your saying.
• They write a longer than expected email.
• They say, “Huh!” or, “Wow!” when surprised about a topic.
• They raise their eyebrows, which shows they’re curious about something.
• They use lively gestures.