How to Raise an Adult
Raising children
Let your children speak up for themselves.

Let your children speak up for themselves.

from How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims

How to Apply This

  1. Value your children’s responsibility to speak for themselves.
    Recognize the importance of your children being able to initiate and respond to conversations with people they meet.

  2. Make a goal for yourself.
    Decide that you will let your children speak for themselves whenever possible.

  3. Give your child fair warning.
    If you know your child is going to talk to an adult about something, let them know in advance that you want them to do the talking and that you believe they can handle it. Encourage them to do it on their own, but let them know that you will be there to fill in any information they don’t have.

  4. Resist the urge to step in.
    Hang back and avoid eye contact so it is clear to the other person that your child will be doing the talking. Refrain from whispering in their ear, and give them the chance to do it themselves.

  5. Add your thoughts only when necessary.
    There is a high chance that you will know more about a subject than your child, and it is important that you inform the other person of any information they might be missing out on. However, allow your child to finish speaking first, then add any additional thoughts if necessary.

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