Learn to deliver criticism.

Sometimes, you have to deliver criticism. Just like going to the dentist or paying taxes, it’s not pleasant, but it has to be done. This is how to do it without hurting the other person as much, so they do not connect any bad feelings with you.


Step 1: Preparation

  1. Define the perfect time and location.
    Most likely, you want to deliver the message as soon as possible. Just be sure that the person is in an emotionally and physically receptive state.

  2. Get into the right mindset, either empathy or compassion.
    Access kindness or focus charisma here. In these situations, avoid authority charisma.

  3. Make a list of a few key points to deliver and be very specific.
    Giving too many points will confuse the person, and speaking too generally can be dangerous. Just be specific.

  4. Depersonalize—criticize the behavior, not the person.
    Focus on observed behaviors and verified facts.

Step 2: Delivering

  1. Start with something positive.
    Express the fact that you value the person, and that they matter to you. In fact, this is the most important step.

  2. Explain your criticism in the most positive way possible.

    1. Avoid saying what you don’t want to see.
      This can have the opposite effect.
    2. Depersonalise as much as possible.
      Explain how the person can improve their behavior, and avoid saying they are wrong.
    3. Make the other person feel good.
      This is what it means to be a charismatic communicator.
    4. Make your body language more charismatic.
      Get into the state of goodwill.
  3. End in a positive way.
    People tend to remember the beginnings and endings the most. So, make the ending awesome.

    1. Review the next steps that will be taken to improve the situation.
      Be constructive.
    2. Give the person your appreciation.
      Praise them for the slightest good effort.
    3. Bring up a positive future.
      Talk about something you look forward to in the future.


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