Escape “the Anxious-Avoidant trap”


  1. Identify your secure role model.
    Think of a secure person in your life. How would they react when facing your experiences? Determine what you lack when you act insecure and how you need to act to feel more secure.
  2. Create a relationship inventory.
    Think of different situations which activate or deactivate your attachment style. Question the meaning behind your feelings and what it is you truly desire from your partner. More attention, reassurance, or more space?
  3. Change your perspective and compromise.
    If you and your partner truly want to make your relationship work, be open to compromise. Have a conversation with your partner which addresses situations in which your attachment style activates or deactivates. 
  4. Find a solution.
    Come up with solutions in order to tone down each other’s attachment styles. If your partner is not willing to work things out with you, you have to accept that compromise will not be mutual and adapt to their habits. 


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