The Art of Everyday Assertiveness
Self-awareness
Shift from being overly agreeable to being authentically assertive
from The Art of Everyday Assertiveness: Speak Up. Say No. Set Boundaries. Take Back Control. by Patrick King
How to Apply This
- Reflect on your level of agreeableness.
Evaluate how often you prioritize others' needs over your own to avoid conflict or to be liked. Reflect on whether this behavior is making you feel undervalued or resentful. Ask yourself, "Am I neglecting my own needs for the sake acceptance from others?" - Identify instances where you lack boundaries.
Pay attention to feelings of discomfort, frustration, or depletion after interactions with others. These feelings often signal where boundaries are needed. Reflect on recent situations where you felt taken advantage of or overly burdened by others' requests. From there, list down the boundaries you need to establish. - Determine your core values.
Spend time identifying what truly matters to you. What principles do you wish to live by? What makes you uncomfortable, and why? Understanding your core values helps in setting boundaries that protect your well-being and integrity. - Define clear personal boundaries based on your values.
Based on your core values, define what behaviors you find acceptable and unacceptable from others. Be specific. For example, decide how much personal information you are comfortable sharing, or how often you are willing to offer help without compromising your own needs. - Clearly state your boundaries.
When you tell others about your boundaries, be clear and precise. This ensures they understand what you expect and what you won't tolerate. - Enforce consequences for boundary violations.
Decide on appropriate responses when your boundaries are crossed. This might include distancing yourself from those who consistently disrespect your limits, or having a prepared statement to reassert your boundaries. Be consistent in applying these consequences to reinforce your boundaries. - Modify boundaries when needed.
As you grow and your circumstances change, your boundaries may need adjustment. Periodically reflect on whether your current boundaries still serve your needs and adjust them as necessary to ensure they continue to protect your well-being and relationships.
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