Control your Anxious Attachment Style


  1. Identify which are your cues for the Anxious Attachment 
    Are you very sensitive to your partner’s moods? Do you worry about them leaving you and jump to conclusions? 
  2. Take a deeper look into the meaning of your “activating strategies” and “protest behaviors”.
    What’s your first reaction when your partner forgets to tell you “I love you” before hanging up the phone? Try to question your actions whenever you catch yourself experiencing an “activating strategy” or “protest behavior”. 
  3. Make a list of your true needs in a relationship.
    Acknowledge and accept that you have needs. Before trying to see if your partner can satisfy them, make sure you identify your needs first and if you don’t have a partner which needs should he/she fulfill. 
  4. Express your needs to your partner. 
    By communicating your needs, you achieve two goals. The first goal would be the fact that you are being your authentic self and overall happier. The second goal is that once you are your authentic self, you can determine early on if your partner is incapable of meeting your genuine needs.
  5. Give secure people a chance.
    If you are anxious, you will automatically interpret calmness in the relationship as a lack of attraction. When you find someone with a secure attachment, your first instinct will be to reject them as they do not activate your attachment system. Allow yourself to get a glimpse of what a secure relationship feels like.


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