Communicate with your partner.
Communication is the single most important thing in any relationship. Without communication, there is no relationship.
However, it is important to note that you should always communicate your feelings politely and respectfully, and listen to the other person’s feelings too. This way, you will show the other person that you truly care about them.
- Identify when you need to communicate better with your partner. If you:
- feel resistance toward something your partner said or did,
- feel resentment toward your partner,
- feel like rejecting your partner,
- see everything your partner does as irritating or annoying, or
- have begun to repress your issues regarding your partner, your relationship is on shaky ground and you must begin to communicate better.
- Identify why exactly you or your partner is upset.
Every emotional upset you have had with another person is because one of your fundamental rules has been upset. For example, you may feel that to respect someone, you must never raise your voice. Your partner may feel that if you are upset, you should communicate it with the intensity that you feel.
Think about which of your fundamental rules was broken, and consider why you are truly upset.
- Is your rule or relationship more important to you?
More importantly, is your rule a constructive one, or does it cause unnecessary suffering?
- Use preferences when you communicate.
Instead of saying, “I can’t stand it when you do that!” say, “I’d prefer that you did this instead.”
- Use softeners.
Instead of saying, “I’m really upset,” or worse, calling the other person “stupid” or “clumsy,” try saying, “I’m a little bit concerned about something; can you help me?” or, “I’m getting a little bit peeved with your behavior; come over here and let’s talk about this.”
- Express your love for your partner.
No matter how angry you or the other person is, always respond with love and warmth. Above all, be polite and respectful.
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